Being a single mom is tough!

These past few days have been challenging for me. Joaqui, my son, got sick and his fever would not go down even after already going to the doctor for a check up. He was advised to rest for three days and was prescribed Disudrin for his colds and cough. Two days after, it was I who caught the bug. I started having fever and was not feeling very well that I could no longer bring my son to the doctor for a follow-up check up. I thought that by Sunday I’d be feeling okay. But I wasn’t. Despite having a fever, coughing and sneezing while shivering from time to time, I had to think about my son’s assignments and lessons in school. I had to think about doing the laundry. Because if I don’t do all of those things, who will? No one.

That’s when I started to feel how hard it is to be a single mom. When you and your child are both sick, no one else takes care of you. I started to break down, feeling self-pity with our situation, worried and anxious. Yet I tried to psyche myself that if I keep crying, my colds will just get worse, I will not be able to finish my son’s assignments (I really hate those cut and paste assignments) and will not be able to sort the clothes I would need to wash. This is the time I need to be stronger and unfazed.

I kept taking paracetamol every 4 hrs hoping my fever would go down. Monday morning, I prepared my son’s things, reviewed his school lessons and gave his meds. I asked my sister to sort the clothes I would need to wash. After sending my son to school, I had lunch and then I started doing the laundry despite having a fever at 38 degrees. I was exhausted but I could not stop until everything has been washed. I finished doing the laundry at 9pm, had to change my clothes twice because of too much sweat, had my temp go from 38 to 37 degrees.

I no longer went to work. I know my body needed to rest. But because I was already feeling well, I started working on my part-time job instead. Until I felt tired and sleepy and thought of writing before hitting the sack.

I realized I have to take care of myself more. I should start living healthy. I have a child I am responsible for. What happened these past few days gave me a scare. I need to be healthy for my son. He has no one else but me.

Photo not mine.

My money, my call.

Because I got offended today by what I heard from unexpected people, I am venting out on my blogsite. This blogsite.

I don’t like to be called a name as I would assume you would not, either. But you did not know me when I used to be carefree and selfish and sometimes irresponsible. You were not there when I  would gladly spend all of my hard-earned money on unimportant things and even irrelevant people.

Until I became a parent. Things had to change because now I am responsible for one person’s future. So I’m sorry if I would rather not spend a single penny on an extravagant expensive cake when I know I can actually give a simple yet cheaper one. That I would rather save a few bucks for a month rather than go on a trip with people who don’t even grasp the idea of what ‘living on a budget’ means. Or that a 10 peso, hell even just a peso, already makes a difference to what I spend.

You may think you understand where I am coming from because you also have your own responsibilities. Trust me, you don’t. Maybe not until you become a parent like myself and plans for someone else’s future.

You don’t get to judge me for the decisions I make with my own money. You don’t even have the right to comment anything about it. Not a single bit.

“Daddy”

I never thought it would happen this early when Joaqui would repeatedly say ‘daddy’ as if asking for his non-existent father.
Yesterday, he just kept saying the word over and over and I was unable to react right away. After he has said the word about five times already, that was when I asked him, “where is he (referring to his ‘daddy’)?” Joaqui answered, “bas (referring to labas meaning outside)”. I then told him yeah his father is outside, in a far place, with his girlfriend (like he would understand that so as not to say the D word again). Naturally, he still kept saying the word until I finally had to tell him, “Daddy? Dead!” then Joaqui started doing his fake cry as if he understood what I just said.

Honestly, I’m still not ready for any ‘daddy’ questions Joaqui may have. Thank goodness he’s only about two years old to start asking me about such stuff!

I’ve been thinking of the proper and right answer to the questions that my son could ask me one day such as: where’s daddy? why isn’t he around? will I ever get to meet him?

I still haven’t thought of any acceptable answer. Well, there may be no acceptable answer to such questions for any child but still I want to be able to properly explain things to him what our situation is, without him feeling abandoned or neglected by his own father. I know I ought to read some stuff about it soon.

This is what breaks every mother’s heart, still not being able to give your child everything that he needs no matter how you try. There’s nothing else I can do but to let him feel loved by the people around him everyday while growing up. And I pray that all this love would already be enough to make up for his father’s absence.

25 Rules for Mothers of Sons

Life Out of Bounds

My dear friend, Maria, passed a blog post onto me and I had to share it with all my readers.  Have a tissue handy; maybe it’s the pregnancy hormones or maybe I am starting to grasp reality since my baby with my 5 years old in a few short weeks.

25 Rules for Mothers of Sons

1. Teach him the words for how he feels.
Your son will scream out of frustration and hide out of embarrassment.  He’ll cry from fear and bite out of excitement.  Let his body move by the emotion, but also explain to him what the emotion is and the appropriate response to that emotion for future reference.  Point out other people who are feeling the same thing and compare how they are showing that emotion.  Talk him through your emotions so that someday when he is grown, he will know the difference between angry and embarrassed…

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20 Things A Mother Should Tell Her Son

A friend just shared this on her Facebook wall the other day and after reading it, I knew that these are also some of the things I want my son to know about while he grows up. 

1. Play a sport. It will teach you how to win honorably,lose gracefully, respect authority, work with others, manage your time and stay out of trouble.And maybe even throw or catch.

2. You will set the tone for the sexual relationship, so don’t take something away from her
that you can’t give back.

3. Use careful aim when you pee. Somebody’s got to clean that up, you know.

4. Save money when you’re young because you’re going to need it someday.

5. Allow me to introduce you to the dishwasher, oven, washing machine, iron, vacuum, mop and broom. Now please go use them.

6. Pray and be a spiritual leader.

7. Don’t ever be a bully and don’t ever start a fight, but if some idiot clocks you, please defend yourself.

8. Your knowledge and education is something that nobody can take away from you.

9. Treat women kindly. Forever is a long time to live alone and it’s even longer to live with somebody who hates your guts.

10. Take pride in your appearance.

11. Be strong and tender at the same time.

12. A woman can do everything that you can do. This includes her having a successful career and you changing diapers at 3 A.M. Mutual respect is the key to a good relationship.

13. “Yes ma’am” and “yes sir” still go a long way.

14. The reason that they’re called “private parts” is because they’re “private”. Please do not scratch them in public.

15. Peer pressure is a scary thing. Be a good leader and others will follow.

16. Bringing her flowers for no reason is always a good idea.

17. It is better to be kind than to be right.

18. A sense of humor goes a long way in the healing process.

19. Please choose your spouse wisely. My daughter-in-law will be the gatekeeper for me
spending time with you and my grandchildren.

20. Remember to call your mother because I might be missing you.

Straight, street, huh??!

Normally, I would have walked from the office to the flat which takes me around 15 minutes maximum. However, last Thursday, I felt so tired that all I could think of was being home lying on my bed. I decided to get a cab and fortunately, I did not have any trouble finding one. Just as I entered and was comfortably seated at the back, I told the driver where we were going. I told him “City Center Hamdan Street” to which he replied, “street?” (At least that was what I heard him say) I repeated, “Hamdan Street”. And he asked again ,”no, sida?” (Sida means “straight” in another language mostly used by the cab drivers here but is NOT Arabic as is commonly mistaken, I think). That was when I realized that he was not asking for the street name despite saying STREET (as I heard it or maybe that was just how he pronounced it) only he meant STRAIGHT. Ugh. Language barrier!

8 Dating Mistakes Even Smart Women Make

Trying to make your new relationship last or just looking to avoid a repeat of your latest dating mistakes? Follow our guide to finding Mr. Right. (No, it’s not impossible!)

by Brenda Della Casa

Dating Mistake #1: Being Too Available
We’re not suggesting you play games, but we are telling you to indulge your passions and resist the urge to abandon your social circle every time your new man sends an invitation. Take Sebastian, 34, from Chicago, for example: “When I was single, there were women I initially liked who seemed to be waiting by the phone for me to call, which let me know if I didn’t meet someone else I wanted to date, I had a standby. There just wasn’t anything to work for, and that turned me off,” he says. The more you engage in and enjoy your life, the more he’ll work to be a part of it.

Dating Mistake #2: Trying to Rehabilitate a Bad Boy
Ending a relationship is rarely easy, and though flying solo might not be your long-term goal, being on your own is better than feeling alone in a relationship with someone who treats you poorly. Even when it might be tempting to give a toxic romance one more try, knowing when to cut your losses and move on leaves you available and baggage-free when the right guy comes along.

Dating Mistake #3: Looking for Perfection
Encouraging you to settle isn’t our style, but separating your desires from your deal-breakers can give your love life a major upgrade. “There are some qualities that your mate must have—being honest, for example—and others, such as movie-star looks, that should be thrown in the would-be-nice category,” says Elizabeth R. Lombardo, Ph.D., author of A Happy You: Your Ultimate Prescription for Happiness. “Sit down and realistically figure out what characteristics are nonnegotiable and then be open-minded about the rest.”

Dating Mistake #4: Feeling Sorry for Yourself
Resist the urge to bemoan your single status (which will only make him wonder why you find yourself such terrible company) and use this time to date yourself. Taking a dance class at the local studio, hitting up the exhibit you have been aching to see and trying out the new wine bar on the corner will not only offer you the chance to have more fun but will also leave you more likely to meet someone who shares your interests. So much better than sitting in your apartment waiting for someone to “wink” at your online profile picture, isn’t it? Another bonus? You’ll have far more interesting things to talk about over dinner than what your boss made you do on your lunch break last Friday.

Dating Mistake #5: Knowing His Thread-Count Before You Know His Phone Number

Getting it on with a sexy stranger is your natural-born right, but according to many guys, it can be the wrong move if you’re looking for long-term love.

Follow the advice of super-sexy leading man Gilles Marini (he was Samantha’s sexy neighbor in Sex and the City: The Movie): “Men love women who respect themselves and who do not rush into bed with them but instead go on a few dates, where they can start to gain an understanding of each other and then decide whether or not to take things further. Women need to know that taking it slow and getting to know one another is the best way to get into a good relationship,” he says.

Dating Mistake #6: Being Too Selfish in Your Relationship
One of the downsides of being independent is that it can lead to some self-absorbed tendencies—a huge turnoff for men looking for a serious relationship, says Ming Gregory, a professional matchmaker at Color Blind International Dating Service. So make sure you’re giving as much as you’re receiving in your next relationship. “A partnership involves two people who share mutual interests and mutually benefit one another,” she says. “It’s not just about what being with him can provide you; it’s about how you can come together to complement each other.”

Dating Mistake #7: Believing in The One

“A lot of women make dating more difficult by placing so much pressure on themselves to find the one-and-only-man-in-a-billion they believe is right for them,” says Ali, 35, from Gaithersburg, Maryland.

Instead of convincing yourself the ex you dumped was your soul mate or that perfect-but-married co-worker was your one that got away, take a cue from our male counterparts and approach the dating scene with the idea that there are plenty of men who are capable of making you laugh, sharing your values and melting your heart, and you’re going to have fun with several of them until you find one worthy of your commitment.
Dating Mistake #8: Forgetting Your Manners

We can’t imagine this is something you’d ever do, but a little reminder never hurts: Say thank you.

“Good manners have become so old-fashioned that men now wait for the thank-you at the end of the date as a way to see if she’s worth seeing again,” says Brian, 30, from New York City. “I don’t care if the woman looks like Kate Beckinsale and has a Ph.D.; if she can’t be bothered to utter those two little words, I am never calling her again.”

Source: Yahoo.com

5 Signs He Isn’t Over His Ex

How to tell if a guy is still hanging onto his old relationship – and what you can do to help him move on.
– Kathryn H. Cusimano, BettyConfidential.com

Do you ever get the feeling that there are three people in your relationship – you, your guy and his ex? Does he still talk or email with her often? Or maybe he holds an unhealthy grudge, or seems preoccupied with what she’s doing now? If any of these scenarios sound familiar, it may mean that he hasn’t completely let go yet. How can you tell if he’s not really over his ex? Tina B. Tessina, PhD, psychotherapist and author of Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage offers five warning signs:

1. He wasted no time before jumping into his next relationship. If you started dating this guy shortly after his latest breakup, there’s a good chance he’s not completely over his ex – no matter what he says. “There are hopes and dreams we have when we get into a relationship that we lose when we lose that relationship,” says Tessina. “It takes some time [to get over those things].” She points out that men often avoid the grieving process that follows a breakup, even though it can be instrumental in helping them assess the relationship and move on. “You want to be sure he can talk about it – that he can analyze it a little bit, and can say what went wrong and what went right and what part he played in what went wrong.” But even if he isn’t quite there, it doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed. As Tessina explains, “It just means you need to understand that he still has some processing to do, and he’s probably going to do some of it with you.”

2. He fell for you before his relationship ended. These are men like John Edwards and Tiger Woods, who tell you their previous relationships are over or broken, but they still go home to their wives or girlfriends. It sounds obvious, but these guys are bad news. “It doesn’t matter if he says the relationship is bad,” Tessina says. “He has a cheating mentality.” And if he cheats on her, he probably wouldn’t have a problem with cheating on you. Even if he does eventually leave his wife or girlfriend – a very big if, by the way — and you’re willing to give it a go with this guy, he literally hasn’t had any time on his own to process the demise of that previous relationship so you could run into the same problems as in #1, above. Bottom line: This is probably not someone you want to be with.

3. When it comes to his ex, he only deals in extremes. If your new guy can’t say his ex’s name without spitting, this is another warning sign. “If he’s talking about her constantly, and she’s either the most wonderful thing in the world or the most terrible thing in the world, but it’s unrealistic, you need to ask him about his role in the relationship,” says Tessina. There are two people in every couple, and there’s no way his ex was as great or awful as he makes her sound. “If he’s not talking about it at all, you need to say ‘I think it’s valuable to for us to talk about our past relationships so we can see what went wrong and what we need to do differently in this relationship.’”

4. He can’t break the string. There are plenty of reasons a guy may stay in touch with his ex, and they aren’t necessarily all bad. “If they have kids in common, they have to be in contact,” Tessina says. “If they were together for a long, long time, there’s also some reason for contact.” But if neither situation applies, and he still won’t stop talking to his ex, you should initiate a conversation about her – carefully. “What you don’t want to do is set yourself up against his ex,” says Tessina. Here, too, she recommends talking to him about his relationship with his ex, and what he thinks he can do better or differently in your relationship. She also suggests offering to reach out to the ex yourself, but if he’s not up for that – and if he doesn’t seem compelled to change anything about the current situation, even if it’s making you uncomfortable – that’s a major red flag. “I would slow the relationship down immediately [in those circumstances],” she says. “I’d say, ‘I can’t go further if you’re going to have a relationship with somebody that has to be behind my back.’”

5. He obsesses over the remnants of the relationship. If he’s always checking her Facebook profile or you catch him poring over old pictures, you could also have a problem. “He’s not finished, he hasn’t done his grieving,” says Tessina. “You have to understand that if you stay in a relationship with him, you’re going to be part of that grieving process.” As Tessina points out, when you’re in a relationship you talk about just about everything. Whether it’s work, friends or family, there’s always something to discuss over dinner, and past relationships should be no different. Let him know you’re open to talking about his exes. Discussing this relationship could help him work through his feelings and move forward – and may even bring the two of you closer together.

If your guy hasn’t completely let go of his ex, proceed with caution – but know that your relationship isn’t necessarily a lost cause. He may want to be with you, but needs just a bit more time to deal with his breakup. The key to making it work is both of you being willing to talk openly about his old relationship and his feelings about his ex. And if, when all is said and done, he just can’t let go, you may have to be the one who moves on.

Kathryn H. Cusimano is an assistant editor at BettyConfidential.

Source: Yahoo.com

Letters from the Past…where do you actually put them?

Ever since I came back, I have been cleaning most of my stuff and throwing all the useless, broken and insignificant stuff I could find in my enormous collection of “basura” whenever I am home. You see, I have the tendency to keep things that most people would find trash. And now that I have the time to go through my old stuff and sort them out, I try to dispose any thing that is of no value to me anymore. Until I came across a handful of letters from the past.

I read most of it. Laughed. Made me a bit sad. Then it suddenly got me thinking. Should I throw them away now since things did not work out as I have thought it would have at that time? Or should I keep them since they have sentimental value? Would keeping them mean still holding on to those memories and hoping again for things to work out (which I actually don’t think and I’m not being defensive!)? I am just the sentimental type. So, tell me where do you actually put them???