Little Miss Drama

Untitled

on April 30, 2006

I woke up with my head spinning. Everything around me was moving but me. I can still taste the alcohol I have consumed late last night. And when I found the strength to look myself up in the mirror, I noticed my eyes are still swollen from crying.

I had no plans of drinking nor did I have any intention of getting wasted. I was just supposed to help out a friend get through turbulent times and share the optimism I’ve been feeling lately. Still, I ended up soooo wasted.  Even more wasted than her.

Things got different after sipping that last drop of vodka and the betrayal of that damn cognac. Instead of me helping her out, I became the helpless one.

For a couple of days now, I have been trying to look at the bright side of things but last night, I just could no longer see it. All I see was black. Just pitch black. It seemed as if circumstances found its way to tell me to just let it all out — all those emotions I have been suppressing recently while trying to put up an ‘I am strong and I can handle this’ facade. Thus, without realizing how much alcohol I have had, all of the frustrations, the pain and the feeling of emptiness welled up inside me for quite some time now all came out one by one.

That was the first time I started asking every question I have been meaning to ask someone. Every thing that I don’t understand, she helped me analyze them and figure them out no matter how puzzling it can be for both of us. I told her about the bad dreams that keep haunting me whenever I am back to situations like this. It was a good conversation until it had to stop because I was already nauseous and I couldn’t stop myself from crying that she no longer knew what else to do. I remember her asking me things and all I said was just “Pagod na ko. Ayoko na.”

Now that I am already sober and my head is clear, I told myself, this will be the last time it will ever happen.

Finally. I have let go of every feeling that there is left…

2 Responses to “UNTITLED”
  1. Karlo says:

    Chase your dream. Nobody said it was going to be easy, but I still believe in you. You can do it.

    May 6, 2006 @ 1:02 am

  2. LEN says:

    Thanks Karlo. Friend nga kita. =)
    I hope you’re doing better now.

    May 13, 2006 @ 1:37 pm

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