Little Miss Drama

On Pseudo-relationships…

on December 6, 2007

She is a 24-year old copywriter. He is an architect. They met and became lovers in college. They broke up last year but remained to be “friends.” They send sweet text messages and he calls her often to make sure she’s okay. They still date. They still have sex. They don’t see anyone else. It is obvious that they still love each other but when asked about their situation, she doesn’t know the real score. Even her friends are in the dark. “It seems that they are, but not a couple.”

She works in a telecom. He is reviewing for the board. They are in the same barkada. They talk on the phone till

4 am

. He gives her chocolates, flowers and CDs even when there is no occasion. Their friends are suspecting something. Why are they all alone every time we had overnight drinking sessions? Why does he hold her close on the dance floor? Why are they hands always..? Are they..? “He hasn’t admitted anything,” she rants. “But I let him hug and kiss me. Like we are… but not real.”

They work together in an ad agency. After office, they would watch movie, have dinner and stroll at Glorietta. She gave him Harry Potter books for his birthday in exchange for posing as her boyfriend to make an ex jealous. They made out during the company outing in


and never talked about it. He said “I love you” once but she wasn’t sure if she heard him correctly because they were both drunk then. But one thing she is sure of is her feelings for him. She likes him. And she’s assuming that with what he’s doing to her and with her, he likes her, too. There’s just one hitch: he has a girlfriend!

She is a 28-year-old virgin. He’s a 35-year-old bachelor. Both mountaineers, they became close during their climbs. After a few dates in posh restaurants, he brings her to his condo where they would make out. They have been doing this for months. She wants to believe that “they are a couple” but then she’s not really sure about it. “We don’t talk about it but it doesn’t really matter,” she’d tell her friends. “What’s important is I am enjoying this — whatever it is.”

The “you look like you’re together, but not” stage. Others call it MU or mutual understanding. Pseudo-relationships. Pseudo-boyfriends. Flings. Almost like a relationship, but not quite.

It is a phase where the persons involved are more than friends, but not quite lovers. There could be a verbal agreement, or none. One or both of you may have admitted your feelings, or probably not. You just let your gestures do the talking for you. No formal courting thing. You are not together but the way move, act, the way you talk to each other; you look like a couple, but not at all!

This kind of “relationship” can happen at different stages for different reasons. It can happen after a break-up. You still love each other and you want to be with each other but you broke up for a reason. And for reasons that you are alone now, you don’t want to get back together for the mean time.

It can also happen before a relationship, where both of you observe and figure out what’s the real score. And there is a possibility that you don’t want to take it seriously but to just play around at the moment. Trial and error.

Or you couldn’t be together, because one of you is committed while you’re waiting to end up his/her relationship with the other party (he/she said that he/she will break up with him/her soon, but he didn’t!)

This pseudo-relationship stage, for a time, can be fun. Especially when you’re just looking for “playmate”…But don’t expect anything! Just get kinky and have a great time. Nothing more nothing less….

So why is it a lot of people practicing this kind of set up? For those who are not in a serious relationship, they would think that pseudo-relationship is better than no relationship at all. It would be fun, or just for the sake of giggle moments etc…

I admit once upon a time, I had pseudo-relationships. No commitments involved for the simplest reason that they couldn’t commit, because they were either committed to someone else, or that they weren’t ready to commit. Emotions were real. And usually…you can’t ask him/her to commit. Since it’s not really a relationship, you can’t demand commitment from your partner. Are you a couple? No rights baby…You will always be uncertain about your role in his/her life. You can’t expect him to be always there with you. And if you feel jealous of the other men/women, you just have to keep it to yourself.

And what if you fall deeply in love with him/her? You can’t be sure if he/she feels the same way. Do not assume! Even if you are dying to tell him you love him/her, you can’t. Because you’re not sure if he’ll like it. Don’t embarrass yourself. This stage will always make you wonder where you are in the relationship. Or if there is a relationship at all. And if you become attached too much…investing emotions and being faithful is the answer.

Another downside of pseudo-relationships, it is fleeting. When a disagreement sets in, or when one of you gets cold, then that would be the end of it. Unlike in a serious relationship, in a pseudo-relationship, there is no “us.” Only “you and me”. Never an “us.”

Thus, never ever give your self a false hope.


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